n “Through the Looking Glass” and Disney’s animated Alice in Wonderland, the 364 days that didn’t align with Humpty Dumpty’s DOB were considered the “Unbirthday.” What happens to the wedding anniversary once the divorce papers have been signed? In the beginning, I considered bringing my wedding dress to the dry cleaners to dye a more usable color… like black. I’m approaching what would have been my 21st anniversary this week, five years post-divorce. Our kids’ birthdays.

I’ve come to this spanking realization that when I have those pangs of not-bright-green-but-more-pistachio gelato-hued envy, I’m really missing the idea of happily ever couple on the front porch or even wiping away tears as we carry the luggage and bedding to our daughter’s college dormitory. Marriage can be a challenging proposition, especially in a society where lots of couples are probably more in love with the idea of marriage than with each other. Don’t focus on the outcome.

We don’t have any money-back guarantees on the celebration, the groom, or that multi-tiered buttercream-frosted cake. (Though in our wedding video, two of the guests made comments that perhaps should have been a tipoff!) Most of us who have seen our name on a divorce summons have stared down that stream of anniversary posts and declarations of everlasting love on our Facebook feeds. Weddings are like this threshold to what’s coming. Let’s face it. May the last man left standing win.

There’s an expectation, especially for girls, that we’ll one day be Princess for the Day, with a beautiful white gown, dashing groom in a dinner jacket, and a swanky party with delicious hors d’oeuvres. I’ve envisioned my marriage as that toy where toddlers hammer the square or round block into its corresponding hole. Like most girls of my generation, I had a Barbie Marries Ken wedding set and even wore an acetate bridal gown one Halloween. Don’t focus on the outcome.